About the day I broke my own heart

by alessandracrr

I don’t know if I’ll ever send you this. I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I hope I’m. The first thing I want you to know is that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I can’t do this anymore. I need to stop pretending you don’t have a girlfriend. I need to stop trying to convince myself I can be someone’s “in between”, because I can’t. I deserve better than that. I deserve 100%. 

You made your choice (the right one) and now is time for me to make mine.

The worst part is that I believed in it, you know?

I believed you would come and see me. We would meet at the beach, but we wouldn’t see the sea for days. I was looking forward for you driving me crazy in the morning singing silly songs with my name in it, but now I don’t. I don’t believe in that anymore and that is what hurts the most.

I don’t think I told you I was there last week and all I could think of was how perfect it would be if we go there together. The apartment is great, the weather it’s amazing and the city is lovely. My friend also said I could have the keys whatever I want.

What we have is from another world and that’s why I’m so scared you’ll cut me off your life, but I can’t stay either. I was ready to fight for you, to make whatever this is work, but I wasn’t expecting you would enter a serious relationship. I can’t say goodbye to you every weekend. I hate I can’t talk with you for days. It’s not the idea you’re having sex with someone that bothers me, is knowing it’s not only sex. 

Is everything I wanted and can’t have. 

But I want you to be happy, I really do. 

You deserve happiness, success, lots of sleep and someone who can calm me you down when you’re having mood swings. 

I hope I’ll hear from you from time to time, just to know if the nightmares stopped and you realized how amazing dogs are. 

I regret none of the words and things I have given and done for you, they are yours. I’ll think of you constantly, frequently then intermittently, occasionally, but it will never be not at all. 

I can never hate you, but I have been hurting, and I can’t keep getting build up over you and falling apart, so I have to take care of myself now, okay? You take care of yourself too.

Please don’t be a stranger. Please. You’re the best thing that happened to me in a long time (maybe in my lifetime even) and I want you to know I’ll always be here for you. 

But now I need some time because I think I love you, but I hope I’m wrong. 

I’m going to miss you like crazy tho (that’s why I decide I’m keeping Robin if you don’t mind).

P.s: the playlists are truly amazing and I’ll probably be in the mood for them for sometime, thank you.